My heart was literally hurting by the pain, and it wasn’t just a matter of speech.
It was pain... real pain.
It felt as if someone had just given me a good kick to the chest, lending the force of their heavy boot
right on my heart. I kept pressing my chest in a fist, trying to make my heart stop from hurting,
but it wasn’t working.
The pain stubbornly refused to go away and instead weakened me into a fetal position on my chair
with no tears in my eyes, even though they all were eager to come out as eternal cascades.
But somehow, I managed to stop the tears from coming out,
flooding me inside and drowning me in a deep despair.
The more pain I was feeling inside, the thicker my skin felt on the outside. It was like I was building
a hard fortress, a metal armor, as if that was gonna protect me from the pain that I was feeling.
But the pain was already inside me. It had already made itself welcome and inhabited
every room in my heart, uninvited, cruel, and unmerciful.
But oh well, at least I wasn’t gonna let anyone get too close to me again.
Now, I was facing the world behind my walls, inside my shell, and behind a shield of armor.
I knew now not to trust every smile because evil tends to hide behind the most beautiful smiles.
Just like Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus to the authorities by kissing him on the cheek in the Garden of
Gethsemane, a smile can hide so much evil behind and bring us so much pain.
Was I becoming something that I didn't like?
Had Second Life begun to change me?
Mistrust was my new protection..
Anyone from now on who needed to say something to me would have to do it from a distance.
In my mind, I felt that the fewer people I let near, the less chance of me getting hurt.
Now my world, my life, was composed of a very few that could be counted on the fingers of one hand and still have fingers left. A few hearts are attached to mine, but with a constant fear of still getting hurt by them. It wasn’t a matter of "if" but of "when" this would happen. It was a matter of waiting because of everything I had experienced before. That was the one thing that I was never able to stop, getting hurt, hurt by the trust and the love I had shown to some.
- lori novo
"I'll stand on my feet, but not today
I'll hit delete, throw it all away
I'll be so sweet, right to your face
But when you leave just let me cry
Get it all out baby..."
Credits
KUNI - Isa Hairstyle ● KMH - Hair CP020 Natural Pack (Bangs) ● Kibitz - Rye's Earrings - Gold ● :V.e. Jennifer Dress MT Black
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