March 31, 2012
The singing of the bird sounds cheerful inside my kitchen where I am busy sweeping the accumulating dust from the floor. It is the same house where I once lived as a child. The back door is open and only the screen door remains shut. The bright rays of sunlight sneak in through the windows too, totally brightening the whole room.
The day is so bright... so happy... so alive!
I continue sweeping quietly with no thoughts in my head that may disrupt my daily chores.
I am fully concentrated on what I am doing at the moment. My daughter, is in the front bedroom, doing who knows what. But I know she is there and I feel content to know that she is near. I am not
sure that my son is inside or outside of the house. Still, I have a sense that he is also close by and I feel relief, peace, and happiness. They are both such great kids, absolutely the best!
I continue looking down at the floor as I keep sweeping making sure that I don't miss a spot.
Suddenly, in a split second, total darkness paints the bright day shutting it off.
Darkness, not as in the night, but as in absolute BLACK.... thick heavy blackness. Then all sounds
cease too. I no longer hear the birds outside or the wind, not even my own breathing or my heartbeat,
just a total scary silence.
I then realize that it was true. The notion of the end of the world was real, and this is it.
Finally, the world had come to an end, I had always refused to believe it and now it was here.
As I keep repeating over and over again in terror, "Oh Lord, it's the end!", I start falling as if I was
fainting. My fall seems to not have an end. I am gasping for air, I can't breathe and then I realize that
I am dying. I fall on my kitchen floor, surrounded by the terrifying and cold darkness and silence. I can feel how life is escaping me... I feel scared and alone. I no longer feel the floor, everything has vanished, everything no longer exists, not even my body... only my thought remains.
Knowing that soon everything will be over, I think of my children, I want my last thought to be for
them, for the people I love. I still can't breathe and terror is inevitable, but I don't want to waste my
last moments concentrating on what I am feeling, I want it to be on them, for them, my love ones.
My beautiful children, my greatest love. My mother who is my best friend, and then, one by one all the other people that I love come to mind. Each, as it presents in my head, reminds me of the great love and beautiful memories that bond us together. No one is left out. All these thoughts seem to go by fast, and yet with each name, my whole memory of them is present, like a car race but in slow motion.
Then my thoughts return to my kids once again. I cry as I imagine them too, lying on the ground in
the middle of this darkness and silence. Oh, how I wish I had them by my side. I stretch my arms as if to reach their hands wherever they may be and then I close my hands as to make myself believe that I am holding theirs. I close them so tight and in my head, I try to talk to them...
"Babies, I love you so much, thank you for all your love. It was a great honor to be your mother. I am very proud of you. You two are amazing and the most wonderful kids ever. Don't be afraid, it is time
to go to our Lord, be calm for I am with you, let it happen, soon it'll be over".
And I continue to hold their hands from a distance as I cry.
I stay like that for what seems to be forever but I am aware that all this is happening so fast. I feel almost the last drop of life leaving me when suddenly, a scream escapes from deep inside me. It is the
first time I hear something, and it's my own voice...
My daughter and son are all I want!
It's a desperate scream, a plea, a confirmation. It is as if I was answering to someone a question that I
did not hear. But who was I answering to? I heard no one. Only my thoughts were speaking to me.
Suddenly, I hear the singing of the birds and the sun lights everything again, the day... the world... life!
I am awake, It was just a dream.
In this dream, was it really the end of the world, or was it just the end for me? Was I dying? Is that how death is? I knew everything else had ceased to exist, even my body, and the only thing that remained was my thoughts and memories. Does God, in his immense glory, gives us a chance before we completely perish to say goodbye to all our loved ones, to reflect and repent? Yes, he does! I do believe that.
Do I believe in dreams? Yes, I do. I do believe that dreams are a way of God sending us messages or
our consciousness manifesting itself this way. They are wake up calls!
